Red Flag or Green Flag?
You know how to spot red flags in other people. But what about yourself? Rate your own relationship behaviors — the things you actually do, not the things you tell people you do.
Red Flag or Green Flag?
20 relationship behaviors. Rate how often you actually do them. Your ex already knows the score — now you will too.
~3 minutes · Answers shuffle every time · Be honest
01 /How to Play
- 20 relationship behaviors. Rate how often you do each one.
- Answer based on what you actually do, not what you'd do in an ideal world.
- Your score shows your overall flag color + your worst pattern.
- Green flags are boring to share. Red flags go viral.
- If you're nervous to take this, that's already information.
02 /The Science
Relationship red flags are behaviors identified in clinical and social psychology research as predictors of relationship dysfunction or harm. These include patterns from Gottman's Four Horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling), attachment theory (anxious and avoidant behaviors), and narcissistic abuse literature (love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, gaslighting). Self-report measures of these behaviors tend to underestimate their frequency due to self-serving bias — which is why this assessment asks about specific behaviors rather than general self-perception.
03 /Pro Tips
- Most people are a mix. Pure green flag humans are extremely rare and slightly boring.
- The worst red flags are the ones you don't recognize in yourself.
- Knowing your patterns is the first step to changing them — or at least warning people.
- Share this with someone you've dated. See if they agree with your score.
- A high red flag score doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you someone with patterns worth examining.